Friends and pictures...

I am having some trouble deciding between color and black and white with these. I'm such a sucker for black and white, but the color on my son's walls makes for gorgeous backdrops. I will get this girl to smile, and look at the camera at the same time. In the meantime....

Watch this....

Our small group met tonight and after our study, we were talking about this video that someone had seen. I actually got goosebumps watching this. I hesitate putting something so true on here, but if one person sees this and is changed, then it's worth offending thousands of others. So often as Americans, as Christians even, we want to only believe in the "fairytale god", one that doesn't let bad things happen. This is the God that I believe in, and my words could never come close to this man's, so just watch the video. FYI, you'll probably have to turn my music player on the side off to watch this, sorry.

Nature in all it's glory....

Went for a little hike today at our local nature center, which I am lucky enough to live right down the road from. It was a gorgeous day and I got a little exercise in and a lot of pictures. I am trying to get the hang of my new 85mm lens, it's actually a little heavy compared to my 50mm and it takes some getting used to. So went camera in hand and took some pics, I was even lucky enough to see a couple of turkeys. I even threw in a shot of my new kicks, they are so comfy.

A Day In The Life of a Stay At Home Mom

Here's how Ben and I have been spending our days together. As much as I get tired of it, I know when it's gone I'll miss it. He's really starting to grow on me, not that I pick favorites between my kids, but he has such a fun personality. I love Ben's concentration in these, especially the one with his tongue out. You'll have to cut me some slack on the cookies, a product photographer I am not.

"YUM-O"

As Rachel Ray would say, I fixed a dinner last night that was "delish". I got it out of her Everyday magazine, Buffalo Chicken Chili with Blue Cheese Corn toppers. It was very tasty indeed. I love it when I actually fix dinner, which hasn't been very often lately. That is about to change, though, heading out to the grocery store today. My goal is to fix dinner at least four nights this week.

Hello Spring, We Missed You.....

The sky was unbelievable tonight, it's hard to believe it's going to be thirty degrees tomorrow, but that's the rumor. We spent most of the evening outside, grilling and playing, it was so nice. Here are some pics from the night.

Hey Ma, It's the Five-0....

Some random pictures to go with the random post from yesterday. Andrew got his patrol car yesterday, it now sits in the driveway warning all who resides within. Muddy boots from the ruts in the yard made by the tree cutting fiasco. Finally Jack woke up this morning with the same rash that Ben has had, apparently it is contagious.

Some Saturday Randomisity....

So I don't have a lot to say, but feel like I should post, it's gonna be sort of random today. Maddison had a basketball game this morning, two actually. They won the first one and lost the second, which is their first loss of the season. These are sixth graders, so you wouldn't expect much, but they have a girl, the coaches daughter, who is awesome and it's always fun to watch them play. Maddison is a scrappy little thing, and gets into foul trouble often, like mother, like daughter I guess. My parents came down for the game, and then we had lunch. It was fun to see my parents, I don't think I've seen them since Christmas, crazy.

Andrew starts nights tonight, he goes on at 9pm and works until 7am. Wish me luck, cause I hate this shift. There's something about going to bed alone that just ruins your whole day. He got his car yesterday, the kids were super stoked about that. Well all but Maddison, she wasn't sure how she feels about having a patrol car in the driveway. It was totally disgusting, he obviously got a used one, being lowest on the totem pole, and whoever had it before him didn't clean it out, there was actually blood on the seat, nasty.

On another note, my kids keep asking me about a friend that I am not in touch with any more. It's funny how kids pick up on things. Really it's a long story, one that I wouldn't go into here, but they notice that this person doesn't come around anymore. I never know what to say when they ask. Oh well some day they will understand that sometimes things happen, people move or change, or whatever happens, but eventually you lose touch and it's hard to adjust, but you do. We've gone through this a couple times in our life with our friends. You know how it goes sometimes, you sort of go in cycles with who you hang out with, whether it's because of working with someone, or if they are parents of your kids friends, or college or high school friends, but it's ever evolving and kids are such creatures of habit that they notice ever little change. They ask why don't we see so and so anymore, it's just a weird question and often times the answers are so adult that it's hard to answer.

Okay so that was my Saturday morning rambling in randomness. I hope it was confusing to anyone, because honestly my head hurts so bad right now, I'm barely aware of what I'm writing. I hate that, but I missed the window of coffee this morning due to the basketball game, and I have a raging caffeine addiction headache, so I am going to go ahead and end this.

Super Exciting Day!!

So I had a super exciting day. We were on the way to St. Louis today, and were listening to our favorite radio station, which holds a contest every morning at 8:30 called audio daily double. They play a clip from a movie and a sped up song clip and you have to get them both correct to win. We listen to this every morning on our way to take the kids to school, and often times I type the number in my phone just in case, but I rarely know both the song and movie. Well today was my day, and I won!!! I was on the radio and refrained from making a complete idiot of myself while talking to Mo and Liz, the d.j.'s that host the show. It was totally awesome and I am a big dork, but hey, it's the little things that make me happy!!

Cutting boys hair....

So I have two boys with hair that grows like weeds. If I were to truely get their hair cut when needed, it would easily be every 3 weeks, and thats pushing it. Jack's hair is so thick and straight, I just have a really hard time finding the right cut for him. Pretty much short is it for him, otherwise it just stands up everywhere. Ben's is a little easier, it has the potential to be long and shaggy, but that's just not who we are, so I try to keep it pretty short also. So here's the deal, I am determined to learn to cut their hair. Not really because we can't afford to spend $20 every three weeks, it's really more of a conveniant factor, it's hard to get them there with all our schedules. So last night I decided that I was going to cut their hair. Ben's is pretty easy, although you can't really tell I cut it, because I just used the clippers, I need a lesson on using scissors. Jack's, however, I went in under the premise that I would probably end of shaving it. This is what happens, I get to a point in cutting his hair where as Andrew points out it's a backwords mullet, very short everywhere but the front and then I just have to shave it. So Andrew's been after to start cutting his hair, too, and I'm like seriously look at their hair, I will never touch your hair, because of course Jack's hair is his dad's and that's what would end up happening, shaved heads for everyone. So here are the results, and for some reason Ben thinks he has to make these funny hand gestures in all pictures now. Oh, and his hair actually looks pretty good, it just hasn't been comed in the picture. Just and FYI, Jack thinks his hair looks silly, and I tend to agree.

Snow Day + Wii = lots of fun!!!

You know you've found a winner when your 12 year old and your 3 year old can play a video game together. This has been a blast to have, all three kids can play together and enjoy it. We had friends over last night and had a baseball tournament, boxing, and bowling. The most fun, though, is the game we rented Donkey Kong Blaster, wow, it's intense. My arms hurt so bad, I don't think I'll be able to lift them over my head for a few days. I definetely need to build up my stamina for this game. The whole time we were playing the Donkey Kong game, I was like, my arms are burning, must stop playing, it was great. Oh and if you're wondering what Ben is say, it's "I'm in first mom", and you can see how happy that made Maddison.:)

Missle Shoots Down Satelite?

One has to wonder how bad for the environment this is. If all that toxic waste/fuel, whatever it is renenters the earths atmosphere, how good can that be for us. And quite frankly, what was it doing up there to begin with? This is one of those things, that while I am glad I know, I almost don't want to know. I really don't watch the news at all, any news I do get, comes from the internet mostly. I have my homepage set up with Google, and it has all the different news sites with the top stories, and today was the first I'd read about it. One would think that it would be a more talked about story. Then again, I guess you don't want to cause mass hysteria in the world.

Wii time?

So we got a Wii today! It was one of those things, Andrew was returning a movie to Blockbuster and they had one, so he bought it. We have been talking about getting one since Christmas, but could never find one and suddenly today there it was. I think I was probably more excited than the kids. I have decided I won't have to work out now, becausing playing the Wii is most definetely a work out for me.

On another note, we have this wierd rash going through our house. Not sure if they are related, I had it on Sunday, but it looked different then what Maddison or Ben has, but they both have a rash. Maddison's was just on her legs and arms, Ben's is on his cheeks, you can't really see it in the pic, but I tried. Mine, was just all over. I am beginning to think that we are allergic to our house and just need to move.

What Spice Are You? A fun little survey.

You Are Cilantro

The bad news is that there are some people who can't stand you. The good news is that most people love you more than anything else in the world. You are distinct, unusual, fresh, and very controversial. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

What Spice Are You?

Men At Work

Puts a whole new meaning to the title, huh? Pictures as promised, although, I fear I've missed some of the best ones. Maybe tomorrow. As you can see, they are abiding all safety standards. They've been towed out of our yard, because it is so muddy, the machine got stuck. I didn't take a picture of the three of them trying to throw a log weighted rope around a branch to bring it down, and I didn't get one of them up high, because I didn't want to go outside. It's so cold and windy, I feel kind of bad that I've stayed inside all day doing nothing, but I'd say the boys are having fun, if not in that man kind of way.

Cleaning House

My blog house, that is. I have been slaving over my new masthead all morning, and it's still not perfect, but oh well. There are some things in Photoshop that I am just not good at, making new mastheads are one of them. I tried to do something a lot different, ended up doing something just a little different. I also changed the music, which I know is annoying, and I will be soon changing it again as well. On a different note, my husband and his man friends are cutting down trees in our yard that were damaged by the ice storm. He rented a big bucket thingy and is hundreds of feet in the air as we speak, cutting and topping trees. I know your thinking, it's quite windy to be doing that today isn't? Well he is swaying around, with chainsaw in hand, bravely confronting the elements, in order to save $2500 bucks, which is what it was going to cost to have it done professionally. I'm sure I'll have pics for you later, although, I'm not sure, it's really cold out there.

Kick'n It Old School

And I mean really old school. I found Tiffany's I Think Were Alone Now on my music player and thought I'd toss it up for a while, oh yeah, and when I'm tired of her I'm putting Debbie Gibson up!! Brings back memories of Jr. High dances, spinning in that same circle with the boy you wouldn't even talk to during the day, but it's dark and it's your first dance, and it's Tiffany, so you give in and dance with him. Isn't it crazy, feels like just yesterday, and now I have a middle schooler going to dances, and lock ins at the church and it's just crazy how fast time flies. Sometimes you just want to make time stop, you know savor the moment. It's funny how in the moment you don't realize your making memories and then all the sudden it's gone, not to be thought about again for 20 years.

Writing....

So I don't know if you've looked at my 101 things list, but if you have you'll notice that the number one thing is to get something published. Well quite frankly, almost three years is too much time in my opinion. I'd prefer to get it done sooner than later, so I have taken on writing as my so-called job. A fellow English major was telling me that if I truely wanted to be a writer, I should treat it like a job and set aside a certain amount of time a day to "work" on it like it were my paying job. So that's what I've been doing, setting aside time every day to do this. Whether it's here, or in my journal, or poetry, something to keep the juices flowing. What I have found, though, is I don't think I have a voice. How does one know, and if in fact I don't have a voice, how do I find it. I personally kind of see myself as Carrie on Sex in the City, where there's just a constant narrative in my head. However, I don't think that shows up in my writing very often. So how did you discover your voice, what do you do to find your nitch in the writing world?

Day 2 of child home from school sick...

Only he's not really "sick", just has pink eye, therefore, can't go to school. I have to say, just writing this, my eye is itching. I'm sure the whole house will have it by the end of the week, because hey that's just how we roll. On the plus side, with all the sickness in the house, I have been cleaning like a mad woman, and our house is just starting to smell sparkly clean. Here are a couple of pics, one of the "sick" kid, as you can see from the pic, he feels real bad.:) The second is of my new wall display. I am so proud of myself, I am not real good at decorating, and I did this all on my own, so this is huge. By the way, the pics aren't crooked, I just didn't take a straight picture and was too lazy to correct it.

The Sickness Reigns Again.....

So the Lear's just can't seem to win these days. We can't seem to make it through a week without someone getting something. Last night Jack woke up with a fever, and this morning woke up with his eyes glued shut with gunk. And to make it even more fun, Andrew has been throwing up since about 4am. We just can't seem to escape the illness in this house. It makes me want to clorox my entire house from top to bottom. Hopefully we will be finished with all the sickness for a while, in the meantime, I am ready for summer.

Child Rearing....

So last night was the parent teacher conference for Maddison. I was not looking forward to it for the simple fact that she has had sort of a rough semester behavior wise and as a parent I of course feel responsible. I had gotten her grades in the mail that day, and new that they were mostly A's with just a couple of B's, so it's not like I was worried about that, just the socializing that has been getting her into to so much trouble, that her teachers have called me and they actually had to take some disciplinary action. Now I do take some issue with the fact that her teachers can't figure out something to keep her in line, I mean if she's getting A's, how bad can she be. Well I hadn't seen Maddison all day when I went, because I had to work Jack's parent teacher conference for PTA, and I just went straight to Maddison's, having not talked to her yet. Well, surprise, surprise, the first thing her teacher says is, did Maddison tell you about the trouble she got into today? Uh no, I haven't seen her, well she got caught cheating on a quiz.:( So she then proceeds to tell me that she let the boy sitting next to her cheat off her, and they got caught. Now I know this is probably going to qualify me as a bad parent, but I had just the slightest bit of pride upon hearing this, because I was the kid who cheated of the smart kids, and clearly Maddison is one of the smart kids. So I am supposed to go home and come up with some kind of punishment for being the smart kid, and I gotta tell you, it's hard. I'm sure all parents have these revelations that they just don't know everything, and well as my kids are getting older, so are their problems, and I just don't always feel equipped. Honestly, she's being punished at school, so I really don't feel like me doing anything else is really going to make an impact at this point. So we have not punished her yet, she knows we're dissappointed, not that she cares, but we told her we will think about an appropriate punishment. This child rearing thing stinks, not knowing all the answers is one of the scariest things to realize as a parent.

If there's one movie to watch this year.....

It has to be this one. Now this is coming from someone who rarely gets to go to the movies, so I am a little behind on the movie watching. Seriously, though, I will own this movie. We went to see Juno tonight for my birthday. I love it, awsome film, awsome soundtrack. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it is amazing. I think it should win all the awards it is up for, the cast is amazing and I just fell in love with the actress who plays Juno, Ellen Page, she was amazing. Really, if you haven't seen it, I can't say enough good things about it.

101 in 1001 challenge

So in honor of my birthday tomorrow, I am making a list. I'm joining the ranks of the 101 things to do in 1001 days. I am making myself accountable for the things I want to accomplish. When I was young, I had goals that I wanted to accomplish, and oddly enough, there were a certain amount of them that I wanted to have done before I was 32. Well, most of them have not been done, so I am getting serious now and writing them down. I encourage you to join in the fun and make your list too. I have until November 1, 2010, so wish me luck!!


The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

001. Get something published.
002. Recycle everything I can.
003. Learn to play guitar and harmonica.
004. Go to Europe.
005. Take kids on a vacation in an R.V. visiting historical sites.
006. Sell my photography, not just portraits.
007. Visit art galleries and musuems.
008. Go to the Oprah Winfrey show.
009. Put all my pics in frames.
010. Go to at least 32 concerts a year.
011. Start an exercise plan and stick with it.
012. Hang curtains or window coverings in living room and dining room.
013. Go on mission trip with church to foreign country.
014. Volunteer for an organization that I believe in.
015. Get a job doing something I love.
016. Buy a Macbook Pro
017. Buy a Canon 5d
018. Read classic books to my kids, i.e. Pride and Prejudice.
019. Pray before every meal.
020. Donate blood.
021. Watch sunrise at the beach.
022. Learn a foreign language.
023. Buy and shoot with nothing but a Holga for a month.
024. Exhibit my photography in a public place.
025. Go to New York for dinner and a Broadway play.
026. Go snowboarding/skiing with a group of adult friends.
027. Go on a girls weekend away with friends.
028. Get out of debt.
029. Have a third car before my daughter can drive.
030. Take a family camping trip, tents, no electronics.
031. Go fishing with my kids more often.
032. Make family game night a priority.
033. Find an adult basketball league to play in.
034. Clean closets and storage rooms and donate the excess.
035. Take a Yoga class.
036. Plan financially for Christmas gifts and have leftover money.
037. Meet an online friend in person.
038. Visit Gabe and Becca in London before they move.
039. Remodel kitchen. New House!!
040. Read a book a week.
041. Start a book club with group of girls.
042. Start a cooking club.
043. Knit a sweater.
044. Learn to knit Christmas stockings, so the tradition can be passed down.
045. Go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.
046. Dust the baseboards in my house at least twice a year.
047. Grow all the food we eat for a season.
048. Buy organic only.
049. Eat vegitarian for a week.
050. Get rid of t.v.'s for a time "getting rid of cable".
051. Bike together as a family once a month.
052. Get golf lessons.
053. Read the Bible daily.
054. Go to California wine country.
055. Write a letter to all of my kids, documenting their birth.
056. Take ballroom dancing lessons Got them for birthday.
057. Get a cat.
058. Take a road trip by myself for myself.
059. Teach a class.
060. Learn to use my external flash.
061. Buy a popcorn machine for movie nights.
062. Run a half marathon.
063. Have a picinic.
064. Take up hiking.
065. Go splunking.
066. Shoot with film camera and develop pictures in my own darkroom.
067. Eat at a five star restaurant.
068. Get all my home video's put in dvd form.
069. Get yard landscaping done. Came with new house!
070. Teach dog to catch frisbee"working on it".
071. Give more money to charity.
072. Get a hammock.
073. Take daily walks.
074. Learn to like coffee without sugar and cream.Okay this is just silly, not gonna happen.
075. Print all pictures from my computer.
076. Sing karoke at a bar.
078. Go dancing.
079. Get hardwood floors in living and dining room. New House!
080. Watch at least one documentary a month.
081. Go Scuba diving
082. See the Northern Lights
083. Go to Alaska
083. Take my mom and sister to Italy to see where my ancestors lived.
084. Take a painting class.
085. Make a playroom out of one of the boys rooms and make them share a bedroom.
086. Buy a Wii for the family.
087. Read all the books from my English Novel class again.
088. Plant a tree for each of my kids and have ceremony celebrating their life.
089. Document our family tree.
090. Get another tatoo.
091. Watch sunrise over mountain.
092. Wake up before my kids every day.
093. Watch all of Sex and the City, dvd set.
094. Take a photo a day for a month.
095. Buy original artwork for house.Getting something for anniversary.
096. Build a treehouse.
097. Make homemade bread every week for at least a month.
098. Buy only local.
099. Somehow meet Julia Roberts.
100. Learn to love my husband/children well. work in progress
101. Do everything on this list.

Tomorrow's the big day!

So get out there and vote, no matter who your voting for you can't make a difference unless you vote. This video is inspring, and all the more reason to vote for this guy.

Snow Day!!

Ben and Libby had a little fun today in the snow. Sadly it looks like it's not going to be there tomorrow. Jack was really dissapointed not to get to play in the snow, because of school. Maybe we'll get another snow before winters over, I have my hopes. I will say, though, that I am ready for spring. Ready to drink wine on the patio while grilling something good to eat. I am a little tire of the cold and will ready for the next season.

Random Thoughts....

So I have many things on my mind tonight and rather than compile them into one profound post, I decided to just sort of make a list of random thoughts. So here goes:

*Yesterday I made an amazing dinner of chicken pot pie, like the homemade kind where you boil the chicken and make the crust from scratch. To go with it, I made homemade rolls, and bread. It was awesome, both to eat and for my mental health. I decided that I need to do more baking/cooking, it makes me feel good. I was reminded of a Patty Griffin song, Making Pies, where sometimes all you can do is the day to day stuff, and just keep moving on. It was very cathartic.
*Today I saw two movies, one at the theatre with my MIL, 27 Dresses, I recommend it for a fun chick flick kind of day. Then I rented, The Nanny Diaries, another chick flick. I had really low expectations of that one, because I had read the book, but it wasn't too bad.
*I also have of course been spending way to much time on the computer as usual for me. I have a "Facebook" account now, as does my husband. It really is more of an educational thing for me, as I have a budding teenager, who really wants a Myspace page, which I have also. I have several nieces and nephews that have one or both of these accounts. It is amazing to read what they are writing and doing with these things. I wonder what forms of communication will be the new thing when my youngest is a teenager. I can't imagine making weekend plans based on a website. When I was in college, if there was a party at the park, there would be handmade signs posted everywhere. Everyone was invited, there wasn't a who's invited and who didn't make the cut. I also wonder if some of the stuff they are saying on these sites are things they would say to one another face to face. I know in my own little head very few people read what I write on this site or any other place I write. These kids, though, are experiencing conflict and whether or not they resolve it is unknown to me, as I am only reading one side of the conversation. It sort of scares me to think that my daughter someday soon will have people calling a f**ing b**ch, on a web space for all to see. How bout sitting down and discussing things in a more private way. Now I'm sure having said this for all public to see, my nieces and nephews are going to block me from their pages, so I can't see what's going on, but hopefully I'll still have the privilege of seeing this inner workings of teenage life. I feel better prepared for what's to come with this knowledge.
*I am feeling much better, maybe I am over this horrid sickness, that has plagued me for 2 weeks now. Thanks for all your concern.
*As a result of my husband working the night shift I've started writing totally random stuff out of sheer boredom. Because I know all of you are dying to know the inner workings of my brain.

Two out of three, not bad.....

So I've decided to lower my expectations of getting pictures of my kids cooperating. I took this one real quick the other day, after getting my new lens. Just like my Christmas card, there's always one kid not looking at the camera. But I like the emotion in this shot for sure, so overall it's not bad. Maybe when I get over this constant state of sickness that I seem to be in, I will have the effort to try and get some more shots with the new lens.

Still Sick......

So I know your not going to believe this, but I am still sick. Not only do I still have the cough, sore throat, head cold thing, you can now add stomach bug to the mix. Yes it's hard to believe that one human could withstand so much sickness and still manage to write, but I am in fact that sick. I write this from my bed, which is just a couple of steps away from my bathroom, which I cannot venture more than a couple of feet from. I have thrown up, I have done things you really don't even want to know about. It is awful, and for those of you who know me, know that I would rather be lying dead on the side of the road than throwing up, but it happened and I have survived so far. Now if I'm not better by morning, that might be a different post all together. So anyway, just thought I'd give you a little update, since I was so whiny with the first portion of this illness. Hopefully the next time I write, it will be in good health.

A different take on depression....

I have suffered from depression/anxiety really for about the past three years. It started with post-partum depression when my youngest was born and really I don't think it went away. The last year and a half, though, has been pretty rough for me. I've had a lot of change go on in my life and I haven't handled it very well, in fact for almost a year now I've been taking medicine to control it. I was very hesitant to go on medication for it, I'm not sure why, maybe I felt it would show a sign of weakness. Anyway, I still have this goal to be able to go off of it eventually, I'm just not a huge fan of medicine. So I was reading one of my favorite blogs the other day and came across a link to this magazine. The article is so worth the read, it has a totally different outlook on our "dark emotions", and I think for the most part I agree with it. I am much more hopeful after reading the article that I am in fact going to be able to go off the medicine I'm on eventually, and just work through my emotions naturally. I agree that we as a country are very much over medicated and live in this comfortable society, where pain or discomfort at any level is viewed as something we need to fix. This is the quote that caught my attention and made me read the whole article.

“When we don’t turn away from pain, we open our hearts and are more able to connect to the best part of ourselves and others–because every human being knows pain. I’m not sure what enlightenment is, but I’m sure it has something to do with turning pain into love.”
–Myriam Greenspan, from “On Moving from Grief to Gratitude”

It really coincides with this book I'm reading right now, called Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas the book is fantastic and I recommend everyone read it. The subtitle is "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" It has really changed the way I think about life in general, not just marriage, it's an amazing book and you don't have to be married to read it in fact if your thinking about marriage I recommend it. So many of us go into marriage with this fairytale picture of how life is going to be and those of us that are married know that is just not the case. There will always be hard times, this book helps you look at how that can bring you closer to God, and as a result strengthen your marriage.

Smells good............

Isn't it amazing the power of scent. How a smell can take you back to a moment in time, something you can't forget ever good or bad. I have an incredibly sensitive nose, I can smell things that most others can't. In fact when I was pregnant with Maddison, my mom had to move all the plants out of her house because I could smell the dirt. So while I think most people have this phenomenon, I think I am more prone to smells sparking memories. For example the towels in my mom's kitchen instantly takes me back to my grandma's house. I think because they always smell like homemade bread and while I don't actually remember my grandma making bread, her house always smelled that way. I'm sure someday when my mom is gone, I'll think of her as well when I smell that wonderful smell of homemade bread. Even bad smells, like today Andrew was starting a fire in the fireplace and it wouldn't go, so it had that bad burning smell and I thought of my brother's house burning down. But there are so many other things, the smell of Baby Magic lotion will always remind me of my babies, and there is nothing better than the smell of a newborn baby. There is a certain perfume that will always remind me of my sister, she used to wear Polo Ralph Lauren, and every time I smell it I think of her. There are other perfumes/colognes that spark memories, too. Cool Water will always remind me of my 7th grade boyfriend, Abercrombie & Fitch will always remind me of when Andrew and I started dating, although they don't make the exact kind anymore, which stinks. Anyway, we cleaned house today and Andrew mopped the floor, so the house smells so clean and it just got me to thinking of how strongly scent is linked to memories. I wonder what scent will remind my kids of me when I'm old. What's your favorite smells that bring back memories.

Stuck

Do you ever just feel stuck? I get that way often, stuck in the same emotion, cooking, reading, writing, whatever it might be, just stuck. I can't stop thinking of the same thing and it drives me crazy. This song that's playing reminds me of it even more, so I thought it fitting to put it up for a couple days. Like being stuck on a verse, I'm stuck in a kind of limbo in life. I've had a lot of changes going on in my life, both mentally and physically and it has just put me into this kind of rut. This limbo of indecision. I feel like I've lost all ability to make decisions, because they might actually be the wrong ones, which by the way, I've made a few of those. I have a big decision coming up soon and the threat of making the right choice is weighing me down. I won't go into it here, but when I decide, you'll be the first to know.

A fun little quiz to cure boredom

So I took this quiz today called "Who's your inner rock chic", it was fun and easy here's what mine said:

***You Are Ani Difranco!***
Honest, real, and well liked.You're not limited by any boundaries."And you can call me crazyBut I think you're as lazy as white paint on the wall"

So you can get to the site here. Let me know who your most like, it takes like a minute to complete and it's kind of fun.

A couple more with the new lens...

Here are a couple more with the new lens, just snapshots really, but this thing is amazing. I will really put it to use next week after I get the boys hair cut, they are looking a little ragedy right now. Add that with their cooperation level, and I just don't get quality shots of my kids. So here are a couple more, but certainly nothing special. If you look close enough in Ben's eye, not only can you see the window, but the trees outside. This lens is amazing and I'm excited to see all it can do.

A New Lens, Means Lots of Beautiful Pictures

So I finally broke down and bought the Canon 85mm 1.8 lens for my camera. I had read so many good things about it and just decided to go for it. Man am I glad I did, I haven't even really tried it out to its full potential, but the snapshots I got of my friends kid are amazing. This lens is sharp and I can't wait to go outside with it. I barely did anything to these, just a little sharpening action and my watermark. Very cool!

A Little Emily Dickenson

I love Emily Dickenson and was flipping through one of my collections and found this poem. So I share it with you:

The Mystery of Pain
Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.


It's one of my favorites, and kind of goes along with my previous post.:)

Sicky, Sicky........

So I don't want to be a whiner, but I fear that's what you'll take from this post. Let me preference this with great stories from my past. Once when Jack was about 1 the whole family got the stomach flu at Christmas time, Andrew laid in bed all day, only getting up to puke. I on the other hand had to put the baby gate up, to keep Jack contained in his room whilst I ran to the bathroom to puke, only to go back and nurse and or change poopy diapers. So I'm just saying I'm no pansy when it comes to sickness. I have handled most things that come my way and just push through, continuing on my daily routine, cause that's what mom's do. Well last week Andrew got this cold, no big deal, he mentioned his throat hurt once. I think he complained about being cold a couple times, but overall, continued on with the daily grind. He didn't miss work or lay around all day, so I figure, it must not be that bad. WELL, this week, I have it. I started getting a sore throat around Tues., and I thought, huh, I must be getting what Andrew had. It sucks, and if there were any way for me to possibly lay around in bed all day, I would. I have chills and aches and the WORST sore throat I've had in my life. It almost brings tears to my eyes. I can't swallow, it hurts to talk, cold and hot things hurt, it just sucks, BIG TIME!!! Andrew's laughing at me tonight, because he says "your just mad, cause I handled it better than you", and while that might be partly true, there's no way his throat hurt this bad. Sooo that was my big whiney story, but I felt I just had to get it off my chest.

Today has been a good day....

Some days just seem to flow better than others. Today has been one of those days. We started the day after taking the kids to school, having coffee at our local coffee shop, enjoying the regulars, which I guess that includes us. It's great just hanging out with my husband, and quite frankly I could get used to this night schedule. Although, there are some definite drawbacks, which we won't get into here, but I'm sure I'll be glad to have him back in the evenings. It is nice to be able to run errands together, though. So we looked at new cell phones today, and that always makes me happy, the prospect of something new, went to the gun store to get stuff for Andrew's new gun, and then stopped off for some groceries. This is huge, these are things we rarely ever did together because of a traditional work schedule.
My day has also been good for many other reasons. Mostly just because of sheer busyness, I've had things to do to take my mind off the hard stuff. I write this knowing that some of you are reading this thinking, "huh, what hard stuff", well until recently quite frankly I've felt like I keep this blog for myself. I would rarely get comments and really just thought nobody read it. Well in the past couple weeks, not only have I been writing more, people have been commenting more. Not just on the blog either, I had someone come up to me and church on Sunday and make a comment, I won't name any names, but it begins with a B, you know who you are. Anyway, having this knowledge that people are actually reading what I write, is both scary and good at the same time. For one, it just makes me think a little more about what I put down, but it also makes me a little guarded in what I write. Is what I write going to directly effect anyone in particular, should I have said that, it's all these fears of what other people think that made me turn to a blog in the first place. I figured, "hey, no ones going to read this thing, and it's a little more fun than writing in a journal". The thing is, I can't let fear guide my writings, or my life for that matter. A wise friend once told me that I need to write, where ever, whatever, without judgement. If that is on a blog or in a journal, I need to be able to write not only without judging myself, but without the fear of others judging me. So from here on out I am going to write, whatever I feel like. If it offends someone, then by all means let me know and I'm sorry in advance. If what I write worries you, well know that this is a place of solace for me, it's where I can vent and not worry about hurting any one's feelings. I am writing for myself, because I have to, because it's like air to me and without it I would drown.

Friends

It's so nice having friends with beautiful kids. I get to practice on them even when were just hanging out. This little girl is so beautiful, but I have yet to get her picture when she smiles. Don't get me wrong, she smiles a lot, I just never catch them. So here's another serious shot of Miss E., which do you prefer, color or black and white?

Change

So we are in the fourth week of Andrew's recent career change. He is loving life as a police officer, has already in his short time with the force dealt with a dead body and several arrests and car wrecks. Ah the joy of serving and protecting. Seriously, though, he loves it and is doing great. The real challenge has been adjusting to his new schedule. He started on days which was a nice change having him home every night for dinner, as apposed to the school schedule of him coming home at different times every night. This week, though, he started nights, going in after the kids go to bed and coming home when they wake up. It has been an adjustment to say the least. I thought the hardest part would be being at home alone during the night, which don't get me wrong, I hate, but actually I think it's harder to get used to him being home all day. He comes home, eats and we take the kids to school. He takes a different route, which my youngest quickly points out. We are the first ones to get to school, because he is notoriously early. Then we hang out and try to find stuff to do before he goes to bed for a while. As I said, this is his first week, and we are still figuring it all out. I'm sure his sleep schedule will change, as will our life schedule, but right now we are just trying to enjoy our time together and find some sort of normalcy in our routine. Change is a crazy thing, some people thrive on it, move from house to house, job to job, and have no problems adjusting. I however am not one of those, and every little change in our schedule, routine, well really life, has a major effect on me. I am learning to adjust and trying to become a better person for it, because as we all know life is change, and nothing ever stays the same. I'm including a pic of Andrew's graduation, however it's by far the worst pic on my blog. Someone else took the picture and clearly didn't know how to use the camera, so forgive me.

Breath

Sometimes in life things get broken and we don't know how to fix them. People say, "God knows what is best and we will know through him". However, like Bruce, in Bruce Almighty, we look past the signs when they are right in front of us. We don't listen to God and we don't see the signs. It's hard to know what to do when we are struggling so we breath, and we take each day at a time. Sometimes in life that is all we can do. Live each day and hope we make it through it. Everyone has drama in their life, everyone has pain. Some are bigger than others, people lose family members at the worst time, and I think how can my struggles even compare to theirs. Each person's reality is their own, though, and when your in it sometimes your reality just sucks and you feel there is no way out. So I will breath, and I will live each day, and I will survive.

Everyone should watch this......

I found this link on one of the blogs that I read daily. It's very interesting to say the least, I think it would be great if they showed this video to kids in school. It should be a requirement, just like splitting the boys and girls up in 5th grade to talk about sex. While it might not be for everyone, at least it makes you think about what we our doing to our planet.

More icey pictures....

A nature photographer I am not, but the weather is so inspiring right now, that I have tried to get some pictures. Here are couple more from the recent ice storm.

Ice Storm 2007

So we got a "little" ice over the weekend. Unfortunately we are losing trees left and right, and one of the branches landed on my friends car. Our neighboors tree across the street literally looked liked it exploded from the inside out. It's sucked mostly because we've been out of power for more than 24 hours now. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to start throwing out food if it doesn't come back on. Luckily for me I have in-laws with power so I have been able to shower and do the important things like check email and update this thing.:) Hopefully we get power soon, however, the prospects don't look good as we are suppose to get a couple more inches of ice this evening.

Sunday Morning Donuts!!

We've sort started this terrible habbit of getting donuts on Sunday mornings. Healthy breakfast I know, but the kids love it. We get to read the paper and hang out and the kids get a wonderful sugar high and all is right with the world. Anyway I couldn't help but take a picture today, because Ben loves the powdered sugar covered donuts that are filled with cream. Needless to say they create massive messes and he is just in heaven eating every last bite.

Growing up........

So the other night my daughter is getting ready for bed after her shower. She's standing there in front of me getting dressed and talking away about something that happened that day, and all I can think about is that I have birthed a woman. While I know she's only 12, and that really isn't quite a woman, she is definetely a teen. She has woman parts and soon enough she'll be thinking like a woman. It's amazing really, to think that from my womb came this beautiful woman who is going to grow up someday and be something amazing. I still feel like kid myself, how can I be the mom of a teenager, and then an adult. How does one do that. I really mentally don't feel much different than I did at 16, okay maybe 18, but still you know I just don't feel as old as I really am. And yet I am supposed to be a parent, give the advice, set the good example. Time is a crazy thing, if blink you might just miss out on an entire childhood. Sometimes I feel that way about my daughter, I was so busy growing up when I had her that I feel like I woke up one day and here I have a teenage daughter, next thing you know she'll be walking down the wedding isle. For now though, at least it's just dances and constant phone calls.